Friday, October 21, 2011

Last Day

Well, of course, technically, Sunday will be my last day before work. But today is my final non-work-work-day.

I don't really know how to describe my feelings today. Most of all, I think I am just ready to get this party started. The anticipation of the past two months has been brutal.

Will has been an angel this week. Seriously, his behavior has been a complete 180 from last week. He has been helpful, kind, funny, and sweet. Whatever was going on for those few weeks has, for the time being, seemed to have eased. It has made this last week even more wonderful and yet bittersweet, because there have been so many moments that were exactly as I pictured life as a SAHM would be. We baked cookies, did crafts, snuggled on the couch and watched a movie, and went on a few walks.

Emma was teething last week and earlier this week, so she has been super-clingy and all about The Mama. But she seems to have gotten her teething out of the way, too, and the last couple of days, she has been her usual, sunny self. She has such a sense of humor and is already my little prankster.

I definitely am feeling melancholy today. I know that this next phase of our lives will bring good and bad. But being a SAHM wasn't all sunshine and roses. There were days when I felt lonely, where I felt as if I was living in that "Groundhog's Day" movie. There were days when these kiddos brought me to tears, nights when M would come home and I would hand him a baby and walk outside to sit in the car for a few minutes (Mommy Time Out). There were definitely good days and bad days.

I am excited to be more financially stable. We have medical bills that need paying, a car that needs new tires, and so many things around the house that need fixing/replacing. It will be nice to be able to do all of these things and to get caught up. It will be nice to go the mailbox without cringing at the stack of bills inside.

I know our family will make it through this and find a new normal. Honestly, I am aware that it will likely be hardest on me (and possibly Emma). Nothing much changes for M, except for when I need to travel, but that is pretty minimal after I am done with training. Will is super excited about going to his friend's house to play every day. Emma is definitely going through separation anxiety right now, but we have been purposefully spending a lot of time at my friend's house this last month, so she would feel more comfortable there. I think she might have a few minutes of "Where are you going, Mommy?" each morning for the first few days, but I think she will acclimate quickly.

And as long as they are okay. . . I will be, too.


And so it goes said...

As hard as this is, it sounds like you are in a good place with it all and realistic about how it will unfold. And I here a still small voice in the midst of it that trusts that it is what is best for everyone right now. Keeping you in my thoughts on Monday.
I reflect often on how much I can relate to what you write these days, even though my transition is exactly opposite as I go from work to home- but am having so many of the same thoughts and feelings.
Hoping for peace for you on Monday-

Anonymous said...

Hoping you have a good first day at work today and hoping Will & Emma transition well to make it easier on you! (hugs)

Beth said...

thinking of you and your family today, Katie! Sending hugs your way...

Rebecca said...

Matt turned it around too...they keep us guessing, huh?

Hope it all went well. Your new normal will take some adjusting, I'm sure, but you'll get to where you want to be.