Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Will was very sick last week. We ended up at Children's Hospital with a suspected diagnosis of Kawasaki Disease. It was the worst two days of my life. Holding him down for tests and making him suffer, even if for a good cause, was heartbreaking. The fact that some moms and dads have to do this every single day for their very sick children is unfathomable. He is fine now and was never in any true danger, but it was still a scary, awful place to be. In addition to that, my dear readers, there is more that you need to know. My blog has always been a source of solace for me, a place to turn where I can spill my thoughts, and say what I need to say. Unfortunately, there are some thoughts and feelings that I can't spill here. If you knew me in real life, you would know that I am a lot of things, but I am not fake. I do not have a poker face, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am the same way here on the blog. I can't pretend everything is okay when it isn't. This past year has had a lot of hits, some of which I have not been able to share here. I feel as if I do a fairly good job standing back up after I've been knocked down for the most part. Right now, I am having a hard time standing back up. I come here and try to write a post and the blank whiteness just stares back at me. I type a line and it mocks me because it is only part of the story. I am not trying to be cryptic here at all. There are just some things that are not blog-able and the fact that I cannot write about so much ends up being like a wine cork for me. I can't seem to unbottle the rest of it. But I just wanted you to know where I have been and where I might be if I am not here as often.