Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Thoughts of A "Former Infertile"

So now that I have Will, infertile isn't a label that really applies.

And yet...

it. so. does.

We are starting to think about #2. It's a thought that really makes my stomach turn. Not the baby itself, mind you, but rather the idea of all that went into the making and sustaining of #1 which would also apply to the making and sustaining of #2. Shots, drugs, ultrasounds. . . I get tired just thinking about it all.

If you are in to the planning of #2 . . . #3 . . . #whatever. . . how do you feel infertility has affected those thoughts?


uncomplicateme said...

Ugh. I'm 3 weeks and 9 hours removed from being pregnant and the thought of getting there again makes me nauseated. I feel like we got so lucky the first time and I don't know if lightning will strike twice.

But at the same time I really don't want Irish twins... :) So I guess I'll put this topic on the shelf for a while.

I'm here for you for the journey for #2, whatever it takes to get there. xo

Joy said...

I was wondering how you felt about this but didn't want to ask! I've heard that after you give birth you're actually more likely to conceive within the first year of giving birth, especially if you struggled with infertility in the past.

I say give it a go! See where the road takes you and just take it one cycle at a time. It's a scary road but we're here with you every step of the way!

Mommy Shoes said...

I've actually been thinking about this a lot this week since someone at mom's group was talking about how she will do things differently with her second. And I cringed, thinking how number 2 is not a foregone conclusion for for the infertile of the world. And I subscribe to the notion that once an infertile, always an infertile.

Gibson Twins said...

Though we didn't go through IVF, we still struggled with infertility, luckily conceived after taking first round of Clomid. It brings up issues all the time that get to us, the "instant/perfect family" comments. The "Why on EARTH would you want to have more?" questions. "You got twins, so did you do IVF?". All very bothersome so if we did/do TTC again it will be all under wraps (though VERY unlikely but never know).

Christine said...

My daughter will be sixmonths next week. We have been trying on our own for about 3 months now. I was'nt ready but I figured it would never work anyway. It took me a total of 4 years - 3 iui's - 6 ivf cycles and 2 miscarriages to have my baby girl.
I am going to call my RE and make an appointment. I could never go through all that a second time. I have one frozen embryo. I will try that and maybe 1 or 2 ivf cycles. Maybe only one baby will be in my future. Who knows. Good luck woth whatever you decide.

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

Much to my dismay, G is thinking about #2, me, not so much. I'm quite content with Lemy and our life as a threesome. I'm not really emotionally ready to COPE with all things that TTC entails. I'm not really ready to COMMIT to cycling, and doctors, and disappointment. I'm just not there yet.

That said, I have agreed (at least for the time being) that if I am not PG by Lemy's first birthday then we will actually start TTC again. At this point we are not trying but not preventing. Even though I'm fairly certain when I ovulate (if I ovulate, cause I'm not 100% sure that's even happening consistently if at all) and we always get together around those times. There have been no accidents as of yet.

And to be honest, I would welcome an accidental pregnancy with open arms. But my gut tells me that's just not the way its going to be. And I'm just not sure I'm ready to deal with that just yet.

Amanda said...

I just can't imagine trying for another child. I can imagine being pregnant again and that thought doesn't bother me because it's all make-believe to me. But the thought of trying again...the thought of stressing month to month, day to day...peeing on sticks...calling doctors...It makes me a little queasy. And I never had to go past Clomid to get the boys. I don't see me trying again.

Jen said...

I was thinking about this in the shower today. I was thinking how weird it feels to not be trying.

Tracy said...

I will tell you, those feeling you're having? That is EXACTLY why I had the doctor tie my tubes whilst in there extracting babies. He asked me if I was sure and I laughed in his face. Seriously? Do you REMEMBER how hard it was for me to get pregnant? Do you REMEMBER how much I HATED THING? And my pregnancy? GAH. Not only did(do) I have zero desire to be pregnant again, but forget about the painstaking process of TRYING.

So, to answer your question, I would say that being infertile definitely effected my thoughts and feelings on the subject.

Rooting for you as always, girl.

Fertilized said...

Honestly - I haven't been able to truly admit my feelings on this topic yet. I feel ashamed and embarrased by them. I know it sounds dumb. I am happy with 1 child but in my perfect dream world, I want 2 more. I am not at all ready to undergo treatments again. (financially and emotionally). I (not so) secretly would love to just fall pregnant. But I do not ovulate. We are not preventing pregnancy in the hopes that miracles do happen.

Although I am not sure how i feel about being pregnant and chasing after my toddler. That thought makes me nauseous and twitchy

Good Luck Katie. I am cheering for your journey whenever you are ready.

Maria said...

Not that I'm there, by any means, but I've heard from other infertiles with several children that it's a hard feeling to ever get rid of. Once an infertile always and infertile.

But I think it's makes a stronger and more ready to take on challenges. Even if that means, trying again.

Anonymous said...

my son is eight months old and i can't beleive it. time has flown. we are ready to use our 2 frozen embryos. it'll be worth it to give him a sibling if we can. all the shots and sleep deprivation and other not so fun stuff will also go by fast and be forgotton soon enough.

JuliaS said...

Hmmmmm, I remember being there in the moment and now I have remembering it from a distance and an afterward perspective.

In all honesty, I would do it all again, even knowing what I know now.

I remember hitting the wall though and finding that I could not face one more cycle, one more round, one more injection and I knew I was done.

The upside is - you kind of have an idea of what to expect. Been there, done that kind of gives you a bit of an edge.

Anonymous said...

i am in a different place than i was while trying to have my first was desperate times then. now i have my beautiful baby and if the second try doesn't work, well, it wasn't meant to be,and i'll be ok with that, but we are still going forward a final time and try for no.2.

Anonymous said...

funny - hubs and i were just discussing this seriously today. my son from IVF is 11 months. hubs is ready to start trying naturally in May, right after his 1 year bday. i am nowhere near that ready. what if i ACTUALLY do get pg by some stupid ironic twist of fate that first month? then my kids will only be 21 months apart...and that's too close! but what if it takes too long and we end up having to do IVF again? then we would have to wait until 2010 to start trying because we'd have to switch insurances during open enrollment. but we have a frozen embie - what do i do with that? pay the 1K per year to store it when we may never use it? what if i do use it and it doesnt thaw out properly? omg - all the damn questions that i cant answer! (sorry - i'm panicking a little bit).

oh - how i wish i could be like everyone else who didnt have to think about this stuff. if i could just get pg by simply having SEX - for FUN (imagine that!)

wow - i have no advice for you. except good luck!!!

Mel said...

I can't think about it yet. It makes me physically sick. Pavlovian reaction?

Good luck on your decisions and I am here all the way to support you in whatever happens.


Rachel said...

I'm glad you asked this question, and it was so interesting to read the responses. I always told my husband that I would never parent an only child (personal preference of course, but I think largely a response to my childhood - and no, I am not an only child), so it will be back to the clinic or off to adoption info sessions for us at some point in the future. I keep wishing that I did not think about it so much since I have an absolutely perfect, snuggly baby at the moment (3.5 months old) and I want to enjoy every moment with her, but the weight of IF or adoption decisions in the future seems to always hang over us, and as a result I keep thinking the sooner the better. It was nice to read in your comments that other people started thinking about this issue before their first was a year old and that I am not the only one.