I wrote too soon.
My sister and I have what I would call a "decent" relationship, peppered with the usual sibling drama here and there. We had a great weekend and then. . .
This morning, she followed us to church, since she was planning on leaving right afterward and didn't want to come back north. On the way there, we noticed how slowly she was driving. M was barely going 60 mph and she was quite a ways back. We kept slowing down to let her catch up, but she kept falling behind. When we got to church, she barreled out of her car, brow furrowed, snapping angrily, "Hey, speed racer." And made a few more comments about how she'd had to go 80 - 85 mph on the freeway and didn't want to get pulled over just to keep up with us. I suggested she might have her speedometer checked out since I knew we weren't going that fast (the speed limit is 60 and we weren't even keeping up with the flow of traffic) and was actually concerned something might be amiss with her car. I thought that was the end of it.
We got Will settled in the nursery, got coffee, and went to go sit down. Our good friends met us in the atrium and we all went in together. There was a bit of confusion as we got our seats (they had changed the chair arrangement) and then we were all seated, my sister between my friend and me. I said something to my sister and she stared stonily ahead, refusing to look at me. Since the music was playing and it was loud, I thought she hadn't heard me, so I leaned over and repeated myself, and she still ignored me. Surprised, I said, "What's wrong?"
She turned to me and said in a super snotty tone of voice, "Just because I am not talking, doesn't mean anything is wrong!"
I decided to let it go, but then looked over a moment later, and she was crying. My friend leaned over to ask her if she was okay and she said something I couldn't hear, but motioned in my direction. My friend looked at me with her eyebrows raised. I leaned over again and said, "What is wrong?"
She then responded that she was not pleased to be made fun of for going 80 - 85 mph on the freeway to catch up with us and be a fifth wheel at church. I reminded her that we hadn't said anything until she said something and that we were honestly concerned that something was wrong with her car.
"Nothing is wrong with my car!" she announced. And then she gathered her things.
And left.
As in, went home. Three hours away.
It was a crappy end to what had been a good weekend. I have mixed feelings about it. Honestly, I think she overreacted. But I also wish I would have gone after her. I didn't think she would really just go. And she sent me a text message, saying that "she is never good enough for me" and that I "never want to spend time with her" so she was obviously upset about more than just the drive to church, but I think text-fighting is lame. I asked her to come back so we could talk and she went home. I have been upset all afternoon, with pregnancy hormones not helping the situation.
So.
Ugh.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Bits & Pieces
We are having a nice visit with my sister. Will is enchanted with his "Auntie" and it makes my heart lighter that she will be here to watch him while I am in the hospital having Emma. It's just good to know that he'll be in good hands. She has been reading stories, playing ball, and generally just spoiling him with a lot of love and attention.
Tonight, she helped with the bedtime routine, which includes a tubby, brushing teeth, and stories. After that, she left so that M, Will, and I could do our "peek-a-boo" goodnight kisses, where he and Daddy close the door, then I open it for one kiss. . . then repeat for two kisses. . . and then a third door shut and open, then kiss goodnight. After the second door opening, he gave me my kiss, but then looked around for my sister, who had already headed downstairs.
"Auntie?" he called. Of course, she immediately came back for the rest of the two kisses. It was precious.
My sister and I have also gotten out for a bit of sister bonding time. We went to Target last night and then for brow waxes this afternoon. Then she watched Will while M and I went to Lowe's and Babies R Us. Oh, the exiting life we lead! In fact, as we headed home after our little outing, I said to M, "What did we do before we had Will?"
He responded that we used to do a lot of nothing and eat out a lot. I asked if he missed it and he replied that sometimes he did miss those carefree days a little bit. . . but never enough to trade the life we have now for those days. I whole heartedly agree.
We had a fun dinner which included milkshakes. . . Will's first! He was definitely a huge fan. He also ate his first "on a bun" hamburger. He liked the milkshake a bit better, but he also chomped several bites down of the burger.
I also got a sweet little Osh Kosh dress for Emma at Fred Meyer. They are doing 70% off clearance prices, so it was $5. It is a Christmas dress in green, red, and pink plaid, complete with a bow. It's six month size and should fit her perfectly at that time of year. I can't wait to see her in it!
It's been a really nice weekend. And we still have a whole day to go!
Tonight, she helped with the bedtime routine, which includes a tubby, brushing teeth, and stories. After that, she left so that M, Will, and I could do our "peek-a-boo" goodnight kisses, where he and Daddy close the door, then I open it for one kiss. . . then repeat for two kisses. . . and then a third door shut and open, then kiss goodnight. After the second door opening, he gave me my kiss, but then looked around for my sister, who had already headed downstairs.
"Auntie?" he called. Of course, she immediately came back for the rest of the two kisses. It was precious.
My sister and I have also gotten out for a bit of sister bonding time. We went to Target last night and then for brow waxes this afternoon. Then she watched Will while M and I went to Lowe's and Babies R Us. Oh, the exiting life we lead! In fact, as we headed home after our little outing, I said to M, "What did we do before we had Will?"
He responded that we used to do a lot of nothing and eat out a lot. I asked if he missed it and he replied that sometimes he did miss those carefree days a little bit. . . but never enough to trade the life we have now for those days. I whole heartedly agree.
We had a fun dinner which included milkshakes. . . Will's first! He was definitely a huge fan. He also ate his first "on a bun" hamburger. He liked the milkshake a bit better, but he also chomped several bites down of the burger.
I also got a sweet little Osh Kosh dress for Emma at Fred Meyer. They are doing 70% off clearance prices, so it was $5. It is a Christmas dress in green, red, and pink plaid, complete with a bow. It's six month size and should fit her perfectly at that time of year. I can't wait to see her in it!
It's been a really nice weekend. And we still have a whole day to go!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Friday Night Leftovers
This week seemed to go by pretty fast and, once again, it's time for Friday Night Leftovers. Want to join the fun? Go see Danifred!1. It is still sinking in that I am going to have a daughter. I remember it took a few days to wrap my mind around having a son, too. I have been really well-behaved so far and have not gone crazy purchasing cute, frilly clothes despite the large displays of Easter dresses that are in most stores right now. I have three girlfriends who have already generously offered me their handmedowns. I love handmedowns and know how much money it can save, so I am planning to wait and see what I still need after I have had a chance to go through all of that. I still bought this hat and bootie set (the piglet one) the other day as I have been coveting it since I first saw it four years ago.
2. My sister is coming to visit this weekend. She has generously offered to watch Will for us when I am in the hospital so she wants to visit over the next few months to learn his routine and spend some time with him. M and I are going to try and get away a bit while she is here to let them have some quality time with each other.
3. I started this site a few weeks ago. I will be completely honest that I have not followed it "to the letter" but I have started doing a lot of the tips and tricks that I have read here. I imagine if I actually did it the way I am supposed to, I would see even greater results. A word of warning, if you do decide to sign up, you will get a lot of e-mails (at least five or six a day and usually more) from them. My favorite tips so far are the Fifteen Minute Declutter and to work my home in zones. I also like having a "Flight Plan" each day. Again, I have not always followed it perfectly and I am still seeing some results. I am hoping that the more organized I get, the easier it will be to maintain it and do more and more of their projects.
4. On the same theme of cleaning, I got a Swiffer Wetjet this last week. I really like it but I feel like I need another one for my bathroom upstairs! Will also likes to "Swiff" and I think they need to make a kid sized version.
5. Will is really interested in t.v.-watching. I knew this day would come. It was a lot easier to manage the whole "no t.v." thing before he got wise to what the big black box means. He watched an Elmo's World at a friend's house and now he points urgently at our t.v. or grabs the remote, asking, "Elno? Elno?" We do plan to let Will watch t.v. when he turns two, so he doesn't have much longer to wait.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sneak Peek
Here is a profile shot of our Sweet Pea.
Here is a face shot - which is pretty much a picture only a mother could love. It looks very alien-esque. Her lil' arm is across her face and her other one is tucked up against her cheek. Her arms were pretty much always across her face during the ultrasound, which I thought was pretty precious. Especially considering that Will slept just like this when he was a newborn.
Here is a face shot - which is pretty much a picture only a mother could love. It looks very alien-esque. Her lil' arm is across her face and her other one is tucked up against her cheek. Her arms were pretty much always across her face during the ultrasound, which I thought was pretty precious. Especially considering that Will slept just like this when he was a newborn.
Another View
As a veteran infertile, I often times felt very at odds with members of the medical profession. I was fortunate to find many wonderful and compassionate people along the way, but I also encountered my fair share of people that honestly came across as heartless.
I was shocked by the nurse that told me I hadn't "ever been pregnant" and therefore was not eligible for the grief counseling for pregnancy loss. I was horrified by the doctor who told me all of my miscarriages were "my fault" for testing for pregnany so soon. I read stories like these all over the blogasphere, so I know that I am not alone in my encounters. My heart breaks for women who have also met with uncaring medical professionals who could seem to care less that our babies are dying or our reproductive systems are failing us.
On Monday, during the scan, I started chatting with the tech, asking her what her favorite/least favorite ultrasounds are. She said abdominal are her favorite, because she gets to see the most interesting things and an abdominal ultrasound has never made her cry. She said that she also loves OB ultrasounds, but that they are also her least favorite because whenever she sees a dead baby, it makes her so sad. But she is not allowed to cry or show emotion. She has to keep herself at a distance, for professional reasons, and also so she does not reveal anything that she shouldn't to a patient. I looked at her sweet, open face and thought to myself that if she had seen something bad on this ultrasound, we would have never gotten to have this conversation and I would have viewed her as callous, indifferent, and cold. I would have silently resented her for not sharing in my pain. I wouldn't know that she would shed tears for my baby later when, she was no longer concerned with adding to mine.
It was just a different perspective, perhaps made possible by my current pregnant vantage point. But it was interesting to see things from another view.
*This is not to excuse medical professions that completely lack compassion or who go out of their way to be uncaring or rude - I ran into those, too. There is no excuse for that, no matter how professional you are trying to be. Human decency and compassion is part and parcel of being in the medical field.
I was shocked by the nurse that told me I hadn't "ever been pregnant" and therefore was not eligible for the grief counseling for pregnancy loss. I was horrified by the doctor who told me all of my miscarriages were "my fault" for testing for pregnany so soon. I read stories like these all over the blogasphere, so I know that I am not alone in my encounters. My heart breaks for women who have also met with uncaring medical professionals who could seem to care less that our babies are dying or our reproductive systems are failing us.
On Monday, during the scan, I started chatting with the tech, asking her what her favorite/least favorite ultrasounds are. She said abdominal are her favorite, because she gets to see the most interesting things and an abdominal ultrasound has never made her cry. She said that she also loves OB ultrasounds, but that they are also her least favorite because whenever she sees a dead baby, it makes her so sad. But she is not allowed to cry or show emotion. She has to keep herself at a distance, for professional reasons, and also so she does not reveal anything that she shouldn't to a patient. I looked at her sweet, open face and thought to myself that if she had seen something bad on this ultrasound, we would have never gotten to have this conversation and I would have viewed her as callous, indifferent, and cold. I would have silently resented her for not sharing in my pain. I wouldn't know that she would shed tears for my baby later when, she was no longer concerned with adding to mine.
It was just a different perspective, perhaps made possible by my current pregnant vantage point. But it was interesting to see things from another view.
*This is not to excuse medical professions that completely lack compassion or who go out of their way to be uncaring or rude - I ran into those, too. There is no excuse for that, no matter how professional you are trying to be. Human decency and compassion is part and parcel of being in the medical field.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The Bottom Line
Ohio Nurse and Jen both asked if I am worried about how excited my mom is about Emma's impending arrival and her feelings for Will.
Yes and no.
Yes, I am obviously concerned that Will might sense some sort of preference for a girl from my mom in the future. I really don't think it will affect him too much right now, but down the line, it could be an issue.
The reason that I am not that worried about it, however, is that my mom knows better than to ever make Will feel like anything less than. I am not saying she can't comment on his behavior, my parenting, etc. I fully expect that from her. I am saying that, when he was 8 weeks old and she told me she didn't love him or feel any sort of attachment to him, I was d-o-n-e.
I told her she had burned her third strike when it came to my son. I meant it then and I mean it now. I would walk away from a relationship with my mom if it became toxic for either of my children without a second of hesitation. You might think, yeah, right. But I know my mom. I know that if she thinks she can play games, she will. And I am not playing a game when it comes to the well-being of my kids. I love my mom and I would not do this lightly, but do it, I would.
Would I absolutely hate it if my own daughter ever said or did anything like that to me in the future. You're darn right I would, I wince just thinking about it. And I vow right now to make sure that Emma never has any reason to disassociate from me. I am not saying I will be perfect, I know I will make many mistakes as a parent, but there are lines that you do not cross. My mom crossed some serious lines when I was pregnant with Will and also when he was a newborn. She knows it and she knows better than to cross them again. Since I laid down the law, she has been a better grandmother and she treats Will very well now. Do I hate that I had to get "tough"? Absolutely, but it was one of my first "real mom" moves myself (protecting my son) and it had to be done. I don't regret it.
Wow, I sound really serious and kind of mean in this post. Please don't think I am heartless or that it would easy for me to not have a relationship with my mom, because it would be very hard. And I would let her know why I was walking away and if she seriously made efforts (like therapy), then I would be happy to resume a relationship.
But I made Will a promise when I saw his sweet baby self at his 13 week ultrasound, and I made the same vow to Emma at the 11 week one. I will do everything that I have to do to protect my children, even if it's not easy. I will do my very best to deserve to be their mother, no matter what.
Yes and no.
Yes, I am obviously concerned that Will might sense some sort of preference for a girl from my mom in the future. I really don't think it will affect him too much right now, but down the line, it could be an issue.
The reason that I am not that worried about it, however, is that my mom knows better than to ever make Will feel like anything less than. I am not saying she can't comment on his behavior, my parenting, etc. I fully expect that from her. I am saying that, when he was 8 weeks old and she told me she didn't love him or feel any sort of attachment to him, I was d-o-n-e.
I told her she had burned her third strike when it came to my son. I meant it then and I mean it now. I would walk away from a relationship with my mom if it became toxic for either of my children without a second of hesitation. You might think, yeah, right. But I know my mom. I know that if she thinks she can play games, she will. And I am not playing a game when it comes to the well-being of my kids. I love my mom and I would not do this lightly, but do it, I would.
Would I absolutely hate it if my own daughter ever said or did anything like that to me in the future. You're darn right I would, I wince just thinking about it. And I vow right now to make sure that Emma never has any reason to disassociate from me. I am not saying I will be perfect, I know I will make many mistakes as a parent, but there are lines that you do not cross. My mom crossed some serious lines when I was pregnant with Will and also when he was a newborn. She knows it and she knows better than to cross them again. Since I laid down the law, she has been a better grandmother and she treats Will very well now. Do I hate that I had to get "tough"? Absolutely, but it was one of my first "real mom" moves myself (protecting my son) and it had to be done. I don't regret it.
Wow, I sound really serious and kind of mean in this post. Please don't think I am heartless or that it would easy for me to not have a relationship with my mom, because it would be very hard. And I would let her know why I was walking away and if she seriously made efforts (like therapy), then I would be happy to resume a relationship.
But I made Will a promise when I saw his sweet baby self at his 13 week ultrasound, and I made the same vow to Emma at the 11 week one. I will do everything that I have to do to protect my children, even if it's not easy. I will do my very best to deserve to be their mother, no matter what.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Blessings Abound
So, my mom.
I called her and she was pretty excited. She told me that she was glad because she had just walked in the door with two bags of little girl clothes she just "couldn't resist." She also added that now she could tell me how excited she was and not have to pretend.
My dad wasn't home (he was substitute teaching), so I asked her not to tell him and to have him call me when he got home. When the phone rang at 4:30 and I saw it was my parents' number, I answered it and it was my mom.
She proudly told me that she hadn't told my dad. She then proceeded to tell me that she had spoken to my grandmother who was "thrilled it is a girl!" And my dad was right there, so of course, she ended up being the one to tell him. Not a really big deal, just my mom's usual behavior.
I talked to my dad after that and told him the name. He is happy for us. My mom then got back on the phone and asked me "how sure" we were about the sex because she has known several people that have been told girl only to later find out boy.
M pressed the tech pretty hard for a definite answer. She responded that they are never 100% sure, but that they won't say unless they are "clinically" sure. With Will, the gender was really obvious, and she looked for a long time before making her call. She even had the radiologist come in for a second opinion. He spent most of the time looking at the heart, but also took a quick glance at the netherregions and didn't change the gender determination. Only time will tell for certain, but I feel pretty confident that Sweetpea is a girl. So, that's what I told my mom.
We went to the store with Will in the afternoon and bought a Little Sister onesie as well as a Big Brother In Training t-shirt for Will. They are so cute!
He is also patting my belly now and saying, "Hi, baby!" We are trying to teach him to say, "Emma!" But he keeps saying "Mama" instead. He has some time to learn.
It is really starting to sink in how incredibly lucky we are to have an amazing little boy and a healthy little girl on the way. I feel incredibly fortunate and so very blessed.
I called her and she was pretty excited. She told me that she was glad because she had just walked in the door with two bags of little girl clothes she just "couldn't resist." She also added that now she could tell me how excited she was and not have to pretend.
My dad wasn't home (he was substitute teaching), so I asked her not to tell him and to have him call me when he got home. When the phone rang at 4:30 and I saw it was my parents' number, I answered it and it was my mom.
She proudly told me that she hadn't told my dad. She then proceeded to tell me that she had spoken to my grandmother who was "thrilled it is a girl!" And my dad was right there, so of course, she ended up being the one to tell him. Not a really big deal, just my mom's usual behavior.
I talked to my dad after that and told him the name. He is happy for us. My mom then got back on the phone and asked me "how sure" we were about the sex because she has known several people that have been told girl only to later find out boy.
M pressed the tech pretty hard for a definite answer. She responded that they are never 100% sure, but that they won't say unless they are "clinically" sure. With Will, the gender was really obvious, and she looked for a long time before making her call. She even had the radiologist come in for a second opinion. He spent most of the time looking at the heart, but also took a quick glance at the netherregions and didn't change the gender determination. Only time will tell for certain, but I feel pretty confident that Sweetpea is a girl. So, that's what I told my mom.
We went to the store with Will in the afternoon and bought a Little Sister onesie as well as a Big Brother In Training t-shirt for Will. They are so cute!
He is also patting my belly now and saying, "Hi, baby!" We are trying to teach him to say, "Emma!" But he keeps saying "Mama" instead. He has some time to learn.
It is really starting to sink in how incredibly lucky we are to have an amazing little boy and a healthy little girl on the way. I feel incredibly fortunate and so very blessed.
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