It's A. . .

We arrived bright and early at 6:45 am for our anatomy scan this morning. I think that I had about two hours of sleep, and crappy sleep at that. I had all sorts of bad dreams and worries that kept me up for most of the night.

Our technician was nice and friendly, asking us if we wanted to know the sex "it it was possible." We eagerly responded in the affirmative.



She started at the head and gave us this beautiful profile shot. How gorgeous is this little one?











Then, she checked out the four chambers of the heart. . . and moved south. . .

Stomach? Check.

Bladder? Check.

Kidneys? Left and right? Check. Check.

Further south, until she reached the area that we had been waiting for.

And both of us thought we saw something, but she didn't say anything, so we kept quiet for a few more seconds. But she still didn't say anything.
My husband finally said, "Unless I am mistaken, I think I see boy parts."
To which she matter-of-factly responded, "Yes, it's a boy."
So, despite the guesses of about 99% of people that saw me in person and 58% of you that voted here, our baby is undoubtedly a baby boy. As evidenced by this shot:

Then, she switched to a different probe and let us see our little boy in 4-D. I cried such tears of relief and happiness. Regardless of gender, the health of our child is such a miracle.

After this amazing ultrasound, we went out to breakfast and then started our registries at BRU and Tar.get. I am exhausted, but I had to post here before taking a much-needed nap. Thank you for your love and prayers.

Oh, my gosh, we have a son.

18 Week Belly Pictures

I was finally brave enough to ask my husband to take a belly picture in honor of reaching 18 weeks. This one is my favorite. . .

We took several, including the cheesy one below. . .

And finally, the "full frontal"!

Huge, large thighs, fat face, I don't care! I love my belly!

Calling All Girl Names. . .

We have picked out our boy name, but are drawing complete blanks on girl names. And according to the majority, both in our poll here and also to those that render guesses after looking at my stomach, this little one is a girl. (Although my husband and I still have no guesses or preferences ourselves.)

If you don't mind sharing some of your favorites, I would really appreciate it.

And yes, I know, we don't have to have the name picked out the same day that we know the sex of this baby. But I kind of wanted to start calling the baby by its name as soon as possible. Call me crazy. . . but give me some good suggestions, anyway!

Oh, and if you have really good boy names, we haven't exactly filled out the birth certificate, either! :)

And the Waiting Continues

As we approach the 18-week anatomy scan, I am a jumble of nerves and excitement. I was talking to pregnant friend of mine, who is five weeks ahead of me. She and her husband also used IVF to get pregnant. I asked her if she was nervous and she said that she wasn't, because she just figured that if it took this long to get pregnant, nothing was happening to her baby. I didn't point out to her that IF treatments do not guarantee a healthy baby. I kept my mouth shut and I envied her rose-colored glasses. I want a pair.

I honestly thought that once I was "this" pregnant, I wouldn't be so worried. If anything, I am more worried in the second trimester. After all, I've "done" the first trimester a lot. I know the lay of the land. I know what normal cramping feels like, I know what not-so-normal cramping feels like. In the second trimester, I am completely unsure of what is right vs. wrong. These cramps that I have been feeling the past few days? Are they normal? Everything seems fine, no spotting other than what followed my pap smear on Monday. What about the fact that I felt the baby move distinctly on Saturday, and besides a few possible baby moves, nothing since?

One of my other girlfriends believes that I might have post traumatic stress disorder. I am not sure if I would put any label that official on it, but I do think that my mind won't work "right" when it comes to pregnancy. Try as I might, I can't seem to really wrap myself around the concept that this pregnancy could result in a real live baby. I have all of these other scenarios in my head. And really, it's so much more rare for the baby to die at this point, really I would have some serious bad luck. All the testing that we did eliminated a lot of the reasons why women lose babies in the second and third trimester, so we can rule out uterine issues, blood clotting, hormonal factors, etc.

I know that my RL friends are getting bored with my constant worrying. In fact, I have really stopped talking about it with any of them, because I can see the roll of their eyes or hear the sigh in their voices.

As I told my OB on Monday, I am having a normal pregnancy, and I just can't enjoy it. I really hate that.

Things People Say

Turns out that there are a lot of insensitive people out there. You'd think I would have learned that during the miscarriages. People just don't know what to say about loss. I get that. I've been there, on the other end of the phone or in person, when someone tells you bad news and your mind just blanks.

However, what I don't get is what is it about pregnancy that makes usually levelheaded people apt to say the darndest things.

These are some things that have been said to me in the past few weeks (since I have been showing). The italics are things that I wish I had the guts to say, but I think I managed an awkward smile.

"Your face is getting so fat*." Yeah, I'm pregnant. What's your excuse?

"You're huge*." Bite me.

"It must be a girl, because your thighs are so wide*." Again, bite me.

"Oh, good, you're still pregnant. I'm glad your body didn't kill this one off." No, but my body is about to kill you off.

"You did IVF, right? My best friend's sister's aunt's daughter did that and she had sextuplets. Are you sure there is just one in there? I'll bet it's at least twins." Well, after twelve ultrasounds, we're pretty sure it's just the one. . .

"Wow, [insert weeks along here]? Are you sure? You're huge." Bite me*.

*For the record, my doctor assures me that I am measuring perfectly, but as I have a foreward tilting uterus, I show faster and larger than some girls. I have not gained any undue amounts of weight and I was not overweight to begin with.

Your Vote Counts

I have put up my first ever poll to the left over there.

I feel like a bad Mommy, since most people have a "feeling" about the sex of their unborn child. I have not one inkling. What is really funny is that I have plenty of vibes about you pregnant bloggers out there. When I go to your page, I just get this feeling from just reading - and I have been right with every single guess. Now how come I can't do the same with my own body?

Most people seem to share a common opinion of what this little one is, but I don't want to taint your votes here.

So, if you can, please vote! And if you are so inclined, leave any of your thoughts on this baby's gender in the comments!

We'll know soon, I suppose, but it's fun to obsess in the meantime!

OB Appointment

I had my fourth month OB appointment today. Weigh in was a new experience for me, as the nurse had to push the bottom weight up to the next rung. After months of fertility treatments and 17 weeks of pregnancy, I am now heavier than I have ever been in my life, although she declared my weight gain to this point to be "perfect." She also said that I haven't even hit my growth spurt as far as weight gain yet and that should be either the next appointment or the one after that. After all we've been through, I honestly didn't think that the weight gain would really phase me, but I am still a woman at heart. When you've spent your whole life avoiding the climbing numbers on the scale, it is a change of mindset, to be sure. Ultimately, so long as the baby is healthy, I will be fine.

I had also not had a pelvic exam or pap smear to this point - I had asked that it not happen during the first trimester. With the pressure that I have been feeling lately, I actually requested one today. It was more uncomfortable than I was expecting, though not painful. Dr. S said that my cervix seemed nice and tight - completely normal, but that he would put a note on my chart to have them specifically look at it during next week's anatomy scan, since I am worried about it (he is not). He also warned me that the exam and pap smear would cause spotting and not to let it concern me.

In spite of his warning, I am still a little unnerved by the spotting. It was light pink this morning and has turned to brown, and logically, I know it is normal. But after so many miscarriages that started with brown sludge, it is hard to emotionally not freak out when I see it on the TP or my liner.

Of course, they always save the best for last, so we concluded with a listen to our baby's heartbeat. It was at a rousing 144 BPM. My husband asked how they could tell the difference between my heartbeat and the baby's, and he let us listen to the subtle sound variations between the two. Once he pointed it out, it was actually easy for us to differentiate. Of course, if my heart rate was that high, it would be cause for concern, but I am pretty darn nervous for these appointments, so you never know.

What is so neat is how fast he is now able to find that beautiful beat. It used to take a few minutes of probing, but now, you can hear it almost immediately after the doppler makes contact.

So, I have a clean bill of health until next month's appointment. Our anatomy scan is next Monday, when we will know whether this little one is a boy or a girl. I can't wait!