Andrew was born at 9:24 AM on 10-11-12. I went down to the wire on whether I would be able to be awake for the surgery or not. My platelet count came in at the exact level that the anesthesiologist required. I would be allowed to have an epidural!
So I was awake when Dr. S pulled him from the incision and announced, "We've got a 10 pounder!" Indeed. Andrew weighed in at 10 lbs, 9 oz., which explains why I have been so dreadfully uncomfortable these past few weeks!
In recovery, M leaned over and said, "Well, that was easy."
I laughed because the room was spinning and I was a tad bit overwhelmed, having just had major surgery and becoming a mom for the third time. To use the word "easy" seemed inappropriate, and yet completely fitting, since everything that we had worried about happening: me needing a general; tranfusions; infusions, none of that had been necessary.
Recovery was uneventful. Andrew latched on without issue and I got the longed-for nursing session less than a half hour after he was born. Dr. S moseyed in and told us everything had gone well. We would continue to follow my labwork, both in and out of the hospital, but he was confident that everything would return to normal as far as my platelets went. We called family and texted friends to let them know that Andrew was here and healthy and I was recovering well. We were transferred to our regular hospital room. Everything was going as planned.
Three hours after Andrew was born, I asked M if he thought his feet looked purple. He shrugged and reminded me that Emma's feet had done the same thing. He was right. They had. I pulled the blanket back up over our son and continued to marvel at his perfection.
He started rooting for food and we went for round #2. Andrew was enthusiastically nursing away. By this point, I noticed a couple things that I had never seen with either Will or Emma when they nursed. First off, he kept shaking and shuddering, about every two to three minutes. He was almost gasping. I had asked the recovery nurse about this and she mentioned that some large babies have trouble with regulating their own blood sugars post-delivery, so he could be having "sugar shakes". She watched him for a minute and decided that was probably what it was. She let me know that eating was the best way to handle this, so to keep feeding him.
The other thing was that he made a different noise while nursing. I couldn't describe it well, but it just sounded "off" to me. I made a mental note to ask the pediatrician during his first exam. I noticed his left arm and hand looked purple and pointed it out to M. Again, it had happened before, and M said it was barely noticeable. I got distracted then, as the nurse handed me my precious pain pills. As I took them, I felt Andrew stiffen at my breast. I looked down at the most horrific sight of my life.
"Purple!" I screamed. "Really, really PURPLE!"
Andrew was dark purple from head to toe. And he wasn't breathing.
The nurse glanced down and then it all happened so quickly and yet so slowly all at once. She grabbed him away and tilted him, rubbing frantically at his back. He stayed purple. The look on her face was terrifying. She had him on a table and an oxygen mask shoved on his face within seconds. But he was still purple. She called a code. The student nurse that was helping her that day didn't even know how to call a code. She grabbed the phone from him and did it. CODE BLUE. The room quickly filled with people. Tubes. Wires. Monitors. Another tube. I had to turn away, I couldn't watch. Then I had to turn back, because you can't NOT watch.
I laid there, feeling so completely helpless. My legs were still numb from the anesthesia. I felt as if I was the one who couldn't breathe. "Go to him," I instructed M. He tried, but he couldn't, because there were too many people and he was pushed back. So, he came to me, and held my hand, because now I really couldn't breathe and was hyperventilating.
Another nurse came into the room and to my side. "Go ahead and cry all you want, Momma," she said, holding my other hand. I wasn't crying more than gasping, trying to breathe air into him from across the room.
He was pinkening and then they were taking him to NICU. M went with him. My parents were there shortly after and sat with me while I cried and worried. I called our pediatrician who assured me that he was in the best possible place. They did tests and more tests, ruling out anything serious. M kept me updated via text as one cause after another was eliminated. His heart seemed fine; lungs clear; blood infection unlikely.
And all I kept thinking is that we did not see this coming. In everything that we worried about, we did not worry about this. I kept praying for more time with my little boy, for a miracle.
I got my miracle. The tests never revealed anything at all. We will have follow up testing done, but at this point, they just think his airway somehow because compromised. They have no reason to believe it will happen again. We stayed extra time in the hospital. It hasn't happened again.
I will write a more complete birth story later, including of course my latest battle with post c-section constipation (this time, it's personal). But honestly, this was the most important part of it. Everything else, all of the little details pale in comparison to that moment that Andrew stopped breathing.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
The Day Before
The day before Emma was born was a bit hectic. We had to get Will to my MIL and my pre-surgical bloodwork caught my previously undiscovered platelet issues, so I had to go get more bloodwork and worry about that. I felt as if I ran around all day like a chicken with my head cut off.
Today seems a bit more chill. This time, my nanny is here, doing a lot of the legwork with the kids. I am not exactly running around, but I am keeping busy. I took Will to preschool this morning. I am doing some last minute laundry. I am running to the grocery store for a few odds and ends (milk, bread, things of that nature).
My parents are arriving this afternoon and will be able to help with dinner and other things tonight. They will be staying until we get home from the hospital. If I am doing well, they will probably leave the day after we get back, to give us some family time, and then come back when M goes back to work (Monday, Oct. 22). And again, I have our nanny during the day to help with things, so I feel as if I have a lot more back up than I did last time.
I have done a lot of random things to be ready for Andrew's arrival, though I know there are things that I should have done. The nursery is done, down to the wipes already in the wipe-warmer and the Ergo washed and hung up, ready to be worn. His bassinet, swing, bouncy chair, and playmat are all at the ready. I have my post-surgical meds (including stool softeners, pain meds, hemmorhoid creams, etc.) in the bathroom. I have a life time supply of the biggest pads you have ever seen. I have nipple cream and pads in my hospital bag. I have cleaned every piece of bedding (including our pillows) in my super fancy washer (on the sanitize cycle - nest much?).
All of the laundry hampers are empty, the fridge and pantry have the essentials we will need. My mom plans on adding some frozen meals to my collection (I have been making and freezing extras for about a month - I have 16 meals at the ready). This isn't my first time at the rodeo, so I feel as if I have a good idea of what I need to have ready to be prepared and those things are done. Because our house is still so new, a lot of things that I had to do to prep for Emma's arrival I just didn't have to do this time. Closets were already cleaned. The house is spotless because we haven't lived here long enough to get that build up of dirt a lived-in-for-longer-house gets. Oh, and I have a biweekly housecleaning service already in place. The house will be scrubbed clean tomorrow and still be nice and tidy when I arrive home on Sunday. I have two baskets (one pink, one blue) of wrapped "big sibling" presents, little things to have the kidlets open on days when we need a little perk or to celebrate extra good behavior. My hospital bag is packed. . . I have packed and repacked it about a million times this past month. Andrew's bag is ready, too, although I never bring much to the hospital for them, since it is all provided.
I am writing this all down to reassure myself. Because, despite all of the above, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I DON'T FEEL READY.
It is funny how, for the last month, I have been "done". I have fantasized about sleeping in my bed without this large bump, not having to get up five times a night to use the restroom, not having ferocious heartburn that causes me to wake up, choking on my own stomach acid. I have longed to see my ankles again, wear shirts that fit, and basically have my body back. I have tried to enjoy these days of pregnancy and mostly failed, because I have been physically pretty uncomfortable.
And now, on the eve of delivery, I am feeling decidedly nostalgic about all of those things and wishing that the surgery was next week or the week after. I am SUCH a hormonal, emotional goofball right now!!! If you are still reading this, you are a glutton for punishment.
In any case, 24 hours from now, Andrew will be here. All of this anxiety will be over. I can't wait.
Today seems a bit more chill. This time, my nanny is here, doing a lot of the legwork with the kids. I am not exactly running around, but I am keeping busy. I took Will to preschool this morning. I am doing some last minute laundry. I am running to the grocery store for a few odds and ends (milk, bread, things of that nature).
My parents are arriving this afternoon and will be able to help with dinner and other things tonight. They will be staying until we get home from the hospital. If I am doing well, they will probably leave the day after we get back, to give us some family time, and then come back when M goes back to work (Monday, Oct. 22). And again, I have our nanny during the day to help with things, so I feel as if I have a lot more back up than I did last time.
I have done a lot of random things to be ready for Andrew's arrival, though I know there are things that I should have done. The nursery is done, down to the wipes already in the wipe-warmer and the Ergo washed and hung up, ready to be worn. His bassinet, swing, bouncy chair, and playmat are all at the ready. I have my post-surgical meds (including stool softeners, pain meds, hemmorhoid creams, etc.) in the bathroom. I have a life time supply of the biggest pads you have ever seen. I have nipple cream and pads in my hospital bag. I have cleaned every piece of bedding (including our pillows) in my super fancy washer (on the sanitize cycle - nest much?).
All of the laundry hampers are empty, the fridge and pantry have the essentials we will need. My mom plans on adding some frozen meals to my collection (I have been making and freezing extras for about a month - I have 16 meals at the ready). This isn't my first time at the rodeo, so I feel as if I have a good idea of what I need to have ready to be prepared and those things are done. Because our house is still so new, a lot of things that I had to do to prep for Emma's arrival I just didn't have to do this time. Closets were already cleaned. The house is spotless because we haven't lived here long enough to get that build up of dirt a lived-in-for-longer-house gets. Oh, and I have a biweekly housecleaning service already in place. The house will be scrubbed clean tomorrow and still be nice and tidy when I arrive home on Sunday. I have two baskets (one pink, one blue) of wrapped "big sibling" presents, little things to have the kidlets open on days when we need a little perk or to celebrate extra good behavior. My hospital bag is packed. . . I have packed and repacked it about a million times this past month. Andrew's bag is ready, too, although I never bring much to the hospital for them, since it is all provided.
I am writing this all down to reassure myself. Because, despite all of the above, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I DON'T FEEL READY.
It is funny how, for the last month, I have been "done". I have fantasized about sleeping in my bed without this large bump, not having to get up five times a night to use the restroom, not having ferocious heartburn that causes me to wake up, choking on my own stomach acid. I have longed to see my ankles again, wear shirts that fit, and basically have my body back. I have tried to enjoy these days of pregnancy and mostly failed, because I have been physically pretty uncomfortable.
And now, on the eve of delivery, I am feeling decidedly nostalgic about all of those things and wishing that the surgery was next week or the week after. I am SUCH a hormonal, emotional goofball right now!!! If you are still reading this, you are a glutton for punishment.
In any case, 24 hours from now, Andrew will be here. All of this anxiety will be over. I can't wait.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Two Sides
I am on emotional and hormonal overdrive right now. Everything seems so RAW.
I had my pre-op appointment today and all of my routine pre-surgical bloodwork. The very strange thing about a c-section (to me) has always been how clinical it makes something that should be anything BUT clinical. Yes, this is surgery. I know that they have to dot i's and cross t's, and that there is a routine that should be followed for solid reasons. But this is also the birth of a child and that kind of gets lost in the medi-speak.
So, first, the CLINICAL:
Dr. S was his usual awesome self. I had a list of questions pertaining to the use of a general.
1) Will Andrew be sent to the NICU or straight out to M (who cannot be in the OR due to the general)?
Assuming everything goes well with him, and as soon as he is stable, has been weighed, assessed, and all of the normal newborn things done to him (about ten to fifteen minutes), he will be brought to M in a recovery room. I will be brought to a separate recovery room and, 2 - 8 hours later, depending on how I recover, we will be reunited in my hospital room where I can finally have skin to skin time and attempt to nurse. Which leads to my next question. . .
2) How long will they wait to feed Andrew?
He said this is very different, varying from nurse to nurse and baby to baby. The bottom line is, they will try and keep him from eating until I am well enough to nurse him. I know Will waited five hours for his first nursing, just because I was kind of a mess after the unexpected surgery, and he was fine. So. . . I am hoping Andrew will hold out until I can be there, but I also don't want him to be uncomfortable and hungry waiting, so I understand if he needs to eat.
3) Can someone take a birth picture for us (we have pictures of both kiddos "fresh out the oven" as it were and would like the same with him)?
Yes. Again, it depends on whether the surgeon is okay with cameras in the OR (Dr. S is) and then if the charge nurse is okay with managing the camera. He has not been assigned his charge nurse for the day, but he said that he will talk to them personally and make the request that morning and he doesn't think it will be an issue.
4) Since I will not have a spinal, how will my post-operative recovery differ?
He said that I will be able to feel my feet and thus get out of bed faster by a few hours, but that I will likely have an external pump for pain management, so that tethers me a bit, which is kind of a tradeoff He said I shouldn't notice much, if any, difference in my recovery, as everything else is the same.
He then discussed his concerns specific to my delivery. The first is that it is likely that I will need both a platelet and blood transfusion following surgery. He said that many women are very weak after a blood transfusion and that will complicate my recovery slightly. We also cannot be discharged until my platelet count begins to climb. He would like to see two increasing lab values over 100k, which he believes won't be until 3 - 4 days post operatively.
I also cannot have anything as far as an NSAID or gas relief post-delivery. This delayed passing gas with Emma and added a lot of pain and an extra day to my hospital stay. But both of those medications could alter my platelet counts and he is very eager to see those climb. I stayed in the hospital with both babies for three days (going home on the fourth day), so this really isn't going to be different. I know this is a very personal thing, but I like that extra day in the hospital. I do NOT feel ready to go home on that third day, but I am READY to go on the fourth day. I know I will miss Will and Emma like nothing else, but I also know that once I am home, there will be no laying around with (albeit hospital) food delivered, on-demand narcotics, and extra hands to help with Andrew.
So, you see, there it is in all of its clinical glory. It is easy to forget that there is a BABY on the other side of all of this.
Then there is the EMOTIONAL side:
I am a mess. I am always an emotional person (really? shocking!), but these past few days, I range from crying at the drop of a hat to getting angry at the dog for doing something dog-like and normal. I am trying to cling to all of these "final" moments as a family of four. I am huge, uncomfortable, have to pee every five seconds, and pretty much DONE being pregnant, but then I feel guilty for not savoring these last bits of pregnancy. Pregnancy was once everything I wanted, with a desperate passion, and to be wishing these past few days away seems. . . so wrong. Everything seems so monumental, but yet I don't feel up to the monumental task of truly appreciating/savoring it.
I remember these feelings with Emma's impending arrival. I remember being sad, wistful, emotional, and wanting to cling to my final days with just Will. And once she was here, it was as if she had always been here. It took me some time to LOVE her the "same" way that I did Will and actually, I will never love Will and her in the "same" way. What I mean by that is that there is an initial surge of love that comes from deep within the second you put your eyes on your baby. It is primal and forceful. But your love for your older child is that love PLUS the love of that individual and all of their uniqueness. It takes a bit of time for that second love to kick in. I expect much the same with Andrew, but it still makes these last moments with my two bigger kids bittersweet. I know that everything is going to change. I know it will be a mostly amazing change, but with all change will come some growing pains for all of us.
I warned you that I was a bit all over the board. This is a just a brief snapshot of the crazy slingshot of emotions I have been wrestling with for the past couple of weeks. With my c-section just a little over a day away (!), the feelings are far more intense. I just have to hold on and try to enjoy the ride.
I had my pre-op appointment today and all of my routine pre-surgical bloodwork. The very strange thing about a c-section (to me) has always been how clinical it makes something that should be anything BUT clinical. Yes, this is surgery. I know that they have to dot i's and cross t's, and that there is a routine that should be followed for solid reasons. But this is also the birth of a child and that kind of gets lost in the medi-speak.
So, first, the CLINICAL:
Dr. S was his usual awesome self. I had a list of questions pertaining to the use of a general.
1) Will Andrew be sent to the NICU or straight out to M (who cannot be in the OR due to the general)?
Assuming everything goes well with him, and as soon as he is stable, has been weighed, assessed, and all of the normal newborn things done to him (about ten to fifteen minutes), he will be brought to M in a recovery room. I will be brought to a separate recovery room and, 2 - 8 hours later, depending on how I recover, we will be reunited in my hospital room where I can finally have skin to skin time and attempt to nurse. Which leads to my next question. . .
2) How long will they wait to feed Andrew?
He said this is very different, varying from nurse to nurse and baby to baby. The bottom line is, they will try and keep him from eating until I am well enough to nurse him. I know Will waited five hours for his first nursing, just because I was kind of a mess after the unexpected surgery, and he was fine. So. . . I am hoping Andrew will hold out until I can be there, but I also don't want him to be uncomfortable and hungry waiting, so I understand if he needs to eat.
3) Can someone take a birth picture for us (we have pictures of both kiddos "fresh out the oven" as it were and would like the same with him)?
Yes. Again, it depends on whether the surgeon is okay with cameras in the OR (Dr. S is) and then if the charge nurse is okay with managing the camera. He has not been assigned his charge nurse for the day, but he said that he will talk to them personally and make the request that morning and he doesn't think it will be an issue.
4) Since I will not have a spinal, how will my post-operative recovery differ?
He said that I will be able to feel my feet and thus get out of bed faster by a few hours, but that I will likely have an external pump for pain management, so that tethers me a bit, which is kind of a tradeoff He said I shouldn't notice much, if any, difference in my recovery, as everything else is the same.
He then discussed his concerns specific to my delivery. The first is that it is likely that I will need both a platelet and blood transfusion following surgery. He said that many women are very weak after a blood transfusion and that will complicate my recovery slightly. We also cannot be discharged until my platelet count begins to climb. He would like to see two increasing lab values over 100k, which he believes won't be until 3 - 4 days post operatively.
I also cannot have anything as far as an NSAID or gas relief post-delivery. This delayed passing gas with Emma and added a lot of pain and an extra day to my hospital stay. But both of those medications could alter my platelet counts and he is very eager to see those climb. I stayed in the hospital with both babies for three days (going home on the fourth day), so this really isn't going to be different. I know this is a very personal thing, but I like that extra day in the hospital. I do NOT feel ready to go home on that third day, but I am READY to go on the fourth day. I know I will miss Will and Emma like nothing else, but I also know that once I am home, there will be no laying around with (albeit hospital) food delivered, on-demand narcotics, and extra hands to help with Andrew.
So, you see, there it is in all of its clinical glory. It is easy to forget that there is a BABY on the other side of all of this.
Then there is the EMOTIONAL side:
I am a mess. I am always an emotional person (really? shocking!), but these past few days, I range from crying at the drop of a hat to getting angry at the dog for doing something dog-like and normal. I am trying to cling to all of these "final" moments as a family of four. I am huge, uncomfortable, have to pee every five seconds, and pretty much DONE being pregnant, but then I feel guilty for not savoring these last bits of pregnancy. Pregnancy was once everything I wanted, with a desperate passion, and to be wishing these past few days away seems. . . so wrong. Everything seems so monumental, but yet I don't feel up to the monumental task of truly appreciating/savoring it.
I remember these feelings with Emma's impending arrival. I remember being sad, wistful, emotional, and wanting to cling to my final days with just Will. And once she was here, it was as if she had always been here. It took me some time to LOVE her the "same" way that I did Will and actually, I will never love Will and her in the "same" way. What I mean by that is that there is an initial surge of love that comes from deep within the second you put your eyes on your baby. It is primal and forceful. But your love for your older child is that love PLUS the love of that individual and all of their uniqueness. It takes a bit of time for that second love to kick in. I expect much the same with Andrew, but it still makes these last moments with my two bigger kids bittersweet. I know that everything is going to change. I know it will be a mostly amazing change, but with all change will come some growing pains for all of us.
I warned you that I was a bit all over the board. This is a just a brief snapshot of the crazy slingshot of emotions I have been wrestling with for the past couple of weeks. With my c-section just a little over a day away (!), the feelings are far more intense. I just have to hold on and try to enjoy the ride.
Monday, October 8, 2012
The Nursery
Well, there were definitely times when I didn't think it would get done before his arrival. But now, three days before my scheduled c-section, I have to say. . . Andrew's nursery is complete.
With each nursery, I have gotten more confident in what I want and less concerned about finding the "perfect" anything. I have realized that most of the nursery is going to be spit up on, pooped on, peed on, and that most of my time in that room will be spent in the dark.
This was, by far, the least work that I have ever personally done on one of my nurseries, too. First off, the room was already painted with the perfect accent color. Secondly, my nanny set up all of the furniture and washed and hung/folded about half of the clothes. I hung/folded the other half here and there (this kid has a LOT of clothes).
This was also the nursery that didn't turn out AT ALL as I had originally planned. There were lots of "accidents" along the way, and it just goes to show that "accidents" can be a good thing when nursery decorating.
My MIL purchased the bedding set for us. This is a very generous gift and we were very grateful. The only small hitch with this was. . . it was the wrong set. She had asked which one we wanted, and I had another in mind. I sent her the link for that set (and I have double checked, it was the right link), but for some reason, when she clicked on it, it brought up several choices, so she picked what she liked. When I opened the bedding set, I was a bit surprised. Had this been my first baby, I am sure I would have freaked out and spent much angst deciding on how to handle it, but this being my third baby, I threw the bedding into the crib without so much as a second thought. Will loves the trains and Emma likes the airplanes, and it has ended up being a fun set to decorate with. We definitely ended up with a very different look than what I'd been aiming for, but I am very happy with it.
I then found a framed picture at the Goodwill that I thought would look nice with the bedding. It was $1. In the store, I found the red frame and blue matting too garish and planned on reframing it. When I got it home, I LOVED the look of the red with the bedding. So much so, in fact, that I decided to run with the red as an accent color.
When I was admitted at 35 weeks, I made M a list of things to do, one of which was to buy red curtains (I had already bought the accent rug and told him to just match to that color) and a curtain rod. So he purchased and hung up the curtains as well as some other things. Again, things didn't end up quite as I had planned, but it ended up looking great.
I did stumble across two things during my search for nursery items that really make the room special. The first is this set of transportation prints. My MIL made these at a crafting party when my husband was 5. They were in pretty ugly brown frames, which I was willing to use, simply for the nostalgic value, but even M wanted to change them out. I found these fun frames at Ikea in th red I was going for. I love how they look and the very neat fact that they hung in M's room for a decade.
The second is thing I found in a Hallmark store for 75% off when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. I think it ended up being $4. The funny thing is that I hemmed and hawed about whether to even buy it. $4, people. I just hadn't really thought much about nursery theme at that point, and with our history, buying anything for the nursery seemed a bit nuts.
Then I realized that I could use the picture in another room OR just send it to the Goodwill if I didn't end up needing it. The thing about this picture is that I have always sang this song at bedtime. Both of my kids can sing it, word for word, with me or on their own. I loved this song, especially with Will, as I almost stopped believing so many times that I would ever have my own RLB. With this baby being so unplanned, it is really full circle for me. These stars are also from Will's original nursery decoration, so again, I love repurposing things and how well it all came together.
This shelf is actually a bath shelf from Ikea and it is the thing that I spent the most on in the entire nursery - $25. But I love, love, love it. I love how it matches the curtain rods and also that I can hang little things from it. Since we actually purchased so little for this room, I don't mind that I splurged on one thing.
I don't know if you can see the star hooks that the clothes and red bag are hanging on. These are also from Will's room. I had planned on spray painting them red, but I decided against it. They don't really pop on this wall as I was hoping, so I might still paint them later. But. . . probably not! Once Andrew is here, I will be too busy to worry about whether stars pop.
So, that is the nursery. It really came together well. I don't think these pictures do it justice. I just got this camera phone and haven't figured out the settings yet. In person, the red is really vibrant and the navy wall is really warm. The room is cheerful and bright. It makes me happy just to walk in there. Now, it's time to add the key ingredient. . . Andrew!
With each nursery, I have gotten more confident in what I want and less concerned about finding the "perfect" anything. I have realized that most of the nursery is going to be spit up on, pooped on, peed on, and that most of my time in that room will be spent in the dark.
This was, by far, the least work that I have ever personally done on one of my nurseries, too. First off, the room was already painted with the perfect accent color. Secondly, my nanny set up all of the furniture and washed and hung/folded about half of the clothes. I hung/folded the other half here and there (this kid has a LOT of clothes).
This was also the nursery that didn't turn out AT ALL as I had originally planned. There were lots of "accidents" along the way, and it just goes to show that "accidents" can be a good thing when nursery decorating.
My MIL purchased the bedding set for us. This is a very generous gift and we were very grateful. The only small hitch with this was. . . it was the wrong set. She had asked which one we wanted, and I had another in mind. I sent her the link for that set (and I have double checked, it was the right link), but for some reason, when she clicked on it, it brought up several choices, so she picked what she liked. When I opened the bedding set, I was a bit surprised. Had this been my first baby, I am sure I would have freaked out and spent much angst deciding on how to handle it, but this being my third baby, I threw the bedding into the crib without so much as a second thought. Will loves the trains and Emma likes the airplanes, and it has ended up being a fun set to decorate with. We definitely ended up with a very different look than what I'd been aiming for, but I am very happy with it.
I then found a framed picture at the Goodwill that I thought would look nice with the bedding. It was $1. In the store, I found the red frame and blue matting too garish and planned on reframing it. When I got it home, I LOVED the look of the red with the bedding. So much so, in fact, that I decided to run with the red as an accent color. When I was admitted at 35 weeks, I made M a list of things to do, one of which was to buy red curtains (I had already bought the accent rug and told him to just match to that color) and a curtain rod. So he purchased and hung up the curtains as well as some other things. Again, things didn't end up quite as I had planned, but it ended up looking great.
I did stumble across two things during my search for nursery items that really make the room special. The first is this set of transportation prints. My MIL made these at a crafting party when my husband was 5. They were in pretty ugly brown frames, which I was willing to use, simply for the nostalgic value, but even M wanted to change them out. I found these fun frames at Ikea in th red I was going for. I love how they look and the very neat fact that they hung in M's room for a decade.The second is thing I found in a Hallmark store for 75% off when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. I think it ended up being $4. The funny thing is that I hemmed and hawed about whether to even buy it. $4, people. I just hadn't really thought much about nursery theme at that point, and with our history, buying anything for the nursery seemed a bit nuts.
Then I realized that I could use the picture in another room OR just send it to the Goodwill if I didn't end up needing it. The thing about this picture is that I have always sang this song at bedtime. Both of my kids can sing it, word for word, with me or on their own. I loved this song, especially with Will, as I almost stopped believing so many times that I would ever have my own RLB. With this baby being so unplanned, it is really full circle for me. These stars are also from Will's original nursery decoration, so again, I love repurposing things and how well it all came together.
This shelf is actually a bath shelf from Ikea and it is the thing that I spent the most on in the entire nursery - $25. But I love, love, love it. I love how it matches the curtain rods and also that I can hang little things from it. Since we actually purchased so little for this room, I don't mind that I splurged on one thing.
I don't know if you can see the star hooks that the clothes and red bag are hanging on. These are also from Will's room. I had planned on spray painting them red, but I decided against it. They don't really pop on this wall as I was hoping, so I might still paint them later. But. . . probably not! Once Andrew is here, I will be too busy to worry about whether stars pop.So, that is the nursery. It really came together well. I don't think these pictures do it justice. I just got this camera phone and haven't figured out the settings yet. In person, the red is really vibrant and the navy wall is really warm. The room is cheerful and bright. It makes me happy just to walk in there. Now, it's time to add the key ingredient. . . Andrew!
Friday, October 5, 2012
No, I Didn't Pick It
Update: Everything is fine. My platelets are in the 80k range now, but that is still okay. I am supposed to take it easy this weekend and we are leaving everything as scheduled for next Thursday.
Between the contractions and the fact that I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life (way heavier than when I delivered either Will or Emma - but that is a whole other post of shame), I am a bit of an achy mess right now.
I spend most evenings in a warm bath to quell the achies and relax before attempting to get some sleep (I say attempt because I have wicked pregnancy insomnia right now). We get the kidlets to bed and then I soak for at least an hour before going to bed myself.
So, that's where I was last night when I felt my nose drip. I reached my wet hand up to my nose and it came away covered in blood. I am not trying to be dramatic, but it was a LOT of blood. I am sure my platelet count doesn't help, as well as the fact that my hand was wet and smeared the blood. I am not usually woozy at the sight of blood, even my own. During my iron transfusions, when the blood would go EVERYwhere and would even pool in a sticky puddle under my arm, and even the nurse seemed startled, it didn't phase me a bit.
But this? This startled me a bit. Especially when I got up (a bit unsteadily) and it dripped into the tub water and all over the bathroom floor. I then caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and my face was covered in blood. I went to the door and opened it, and asked M to please come in to help me. He saw my face and leapt up from the bed. He got me a wash cloth and helped me to lay down.
"Should you call the doctor?" he asked.
I wasn't really sure. I know nose bleeds can be a common issue in pregnancy and it was 11 PM. Our two babies were sleeping peacefully. I knew if I called in, they would probably insist that I come to the hospital, because this low platelet thing is a bit of an outlier. When I was in the hospital, I could tell there isn't exactly an established protocol for how to handle it. No one wanted to be the one to send me home and then have me bleed out somewhere (not that this was ever truly a risk, but you can tell, they just don't know what to do). I didn't want to go in and then be admitted for truly no reason while they did bloodwork. I also have a feeling that if we go in, then it will be baby time, just because we are so close to the scheduled c-section. It isn't that I am not "ready" for him to come, because I AM, but I also don't want him to come earlier than is necessary.
I suggested we wait to see if the bleeding stopped. It did.
And then I promised him that I would call first thing this morning. I did.
They wanted me in for a blood draw anyway today, but the nurse insisted that I do it sooner than later. So I did.
And now we wait to see if my platelets have dropped or if they are still the same. I feel just fine (well, no different than any other day the past few weeks). My nose feels a bit stuffy, but nothing out of the ordinary other than that. I have a feeling this was your run of the mill pregnancy-related bloody nose. To me, the fact that my nose stopped bleeding is what we should be celebrating. I might not have an abundance of platelets, but those platelets that I do have?? Clearly, they know how to do their job!
Between the contractions and the fact that I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life (way heavier than when I delivered either Will or Emma - but that is a whole other post of shame), I am a bit of an achy mess right now.
I spend most evenings in a warm bath to quell the achies and relax before attempting to get some sleep (I say attempt because I have wicked pregnancy insomnia right now). We get the kidlets to bed and then I soak for at least an hour before going to bed myself.
So, that's where I was last night when I felt my nose drip. I reached my wet hand up to my nose and it came away covered in blood. I am not trying to be dramatic, but it was a LOT of blood. I am sure my platelet count doesn't help, as well as the fact that my hand was wet and smeared the blood. I am not usually woozy at the sight of blood, even my own. During my iron transfusions, when the blood would go EVERYwhere and would even pool in a sticky puddle under my arm, and even the nurse seemed startled, it didn't phase me a bit.
But this? This startled me a bit. Especially when I got up (a bit unsteadily) and it dripped into the tub water and all over the bathroom floor. I then caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and my face was covered in blood. I went to the door and opened it, and asked M to please come in to help me. He saw my face and leapt up from the bed. He got me a wash cloth and helped me to lay down.
"Should you call the doctor?" he asked.
I wasn't really sure. I know nose bleeds can be a common issue in pregnancy and it was 11 PM. Our two babies were sleeping peacefully. I knew if I called in, they would probably insist that I come to the hospital, because this low platelet thing is a bit of an outlier. When I was in the hospital, I could tell there isn't exactly an established protocol for how to handle it. No one wanted to be the one to send me home and then have me bleed out somewhere (not that this was ever truly a risk, but you can tell, they just don't know what to do). I didn't want to go in and then be admitted for truly no reason while they did bloodwork. I also have a feeling that if we go in, then it will be baby time, just because we are so close to the scheduled c-section. It isn't that I am not "ready" for him to come, because I AM, but I also don't want him to come earlier than is necessary.
I suggested we wait to see if the bleeding stopped. It did.
And then I promised him that I would call first thing this morning. I did.
They wanted me in for a blood draw anyway today, but the nurse insisted that I do it sooner than later. So I did.
And now we wait to see if my platelets have dropped or if they are still the same. I feel just fine (well, no different than any other day the past few weeks). My nose feels a bit stuffy, but nothing out of the ordinary other than that. I have a feeling this was your run of the mill pregnancy-related bloody nose. To me, the fact that my nose stopped bleeding is what we should be celebrating. I might not have an abundance of platelets, but those platelets that I do have?? Clearly, they know how to do their job!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
The Most
I am offically the most pregnant I have ever been.
Will made his appearance at 38 weeks, 3 days, after my 38 week appointment where the midwife swept my membranes. . . without telling me that she was doing it first!
With Emma, a combination of swelling, moderate protein in my urine, and platelet issues, led to her slightly early appearance at 38 weeks, 2 days. Both have been considered term and born without any complications, and I KNOW that the belly is the best place for Andrew to be. I am impatient to get the show on the road, but I also am trying to savor these last days of the truly final pregnancy I will ever have. Also, I know how hectic the newborn phase will be, and I am also trying to spend a little extra time with Will and Emma, knowing my focus will have to shift in the next few weeks.
I am now 38 weeks, 4 days pregnant. I had my 38 week appointment today, where we discussed moving my c-section up to this week. Ultimately, we made the decision to do daily platelet counts and leave things as scheduled for next week, on Thursday, 10-11-12, unless he decides to make an appearance on his own schedule before then.
Dr. S also had some disappointing news for me. He had said when I was discharged that if we could show a long history of platelet counts in the 80-90,000 range that it would be possible that I would be allowed to be awake for the c-section. It turns out that my hospital's policy is any count under 100,000 in the past two weeks means an automatic general. ALL of my counts have been under 100,000 and have been for awhile. Dr. S said that it is possible (though unlikely) that the anesthesiologist could make the call the day of, based on my platelet counts that morning, but it truly depends on the provider and most of them do not want to be making decisions that go against hospital policy (which you can't blame them for).
I am disappointed, though I do appreciate the fact that my safety is being taken into consideration. I do understand the extra risks that a spinal would mean and I am not arguing the decision. I am just sad that I won't get the immediate post-surgery nursing time that I did with Emma. I realize that I have a lifetime with Andrew, it's just that. . . well, that time with Emma was so special and I really did want to have a repeat of that. Then again, Andrew and I will have our own special moments.
After my appointment tonight, M presented me with my "push present" (known as my zipper present 'round these parts). It is a beautiful silver necklace with Will, Emma, and Andrew inscribed on it. Since we had discussed me not getting such a gift this time around (what with a new house being a gift in and of itself), I was really surprised with it. Because I am lazy and don't want to go downstairs for my camera to take a pciture, here is the necklace pic from the etsy site, though obviously NOT mine! ;)
It is really beautiful and I love seeing their three names together. It makes it all seem a bit more "real", I guess, even though you would think that my growing belly and active boy would make it "real". When I was leaving the hospital with my two kids and growing belly, an older woman wearing a grandma sweatshirt stopped me and said, "Honey, that was me, forty years ago."
It took me a minute to realize that she meant her with three kidlets. We chatted for a moment and she wished me luck. It was said with that camaraderie that women have . . . with the knowledge that there will be tough moments ahead, but that it will all be worth it.
Will made his appearance at 38 weeks, 3 days, after my 38 week appointment where the midwife swept my membranes. . . without telling me that she was doing it first!
With Emma, a combination of swelling, moderate protein in my urine, and platelet issues, led to her slightly early appearance at 38 weeks, 2 days. Both have been considered term and born without any complications, and I KNOW that the belly is the best place for Andrew to be. I am impatient to get the show on the road, but I also am trying to savor these last days of the truly final pregnancy I will ever have. Also, I know how hectic the newborn phase will be, and I am also trying to spend a little extra time with Will and Emma, knowing my focus will have to shift in the next few weeks.
I am now 38 weeks, 4 days pregnant. I had my 38 week appointment today, where we discussed moving my c-section up to this week. Ultimately, we made the decision to do daily platelet counts and leave things as scheduled for next week, on Thursday, 10-11-12, unless he decides to make an appearance on his own schedule before then.
Dr. S also had some disappointing news for me. He had said when I was discharged that if we could show a long history of platelet counts in the 80-90,000 range that it would be possible that I would be allowed to be awake for the c-section. It turns out that my hospital's policy is any count under 100,000 in the past two weeks means an automatic general. ALL of my counts have been under 100,000 and have been for awhile. Dr. S said that it is possible (though unlikely) that the anesthesiologist could make the call the day of, based on my platelet counts that morning, but it truly depends on the provider and most of them do not want to be making decisions that go against hospital policy (which you can't blame them for).
I am disappointed, though I do appreciate the fact that my safety is being taken into consideration. I do understand the extra risks that a spinal would mean and I am not arguing the decision. I am just sad that I won't get the immediate post-surgery nursing time that I did with Emma. I realize that I have a lifetime with Andrew, it's just that. . . well, that time with Emma was so special and I really did want to have a repeat of that. Then again, Andrew and I will have our own special moments.
After my appointment tonight, M presented me with my "push present" (known as my zipper present 'round these parts). It is a beautiful silver necklace with Will, Emma, and Andrew inscribed on it. Since we had discussed me not getting such a gift this time around (what with a new house being a gift in and of itself), I was really surprised with it. Because I am lazy and don't want to go downstairs for my camera to take a pciture, here is the necklace pic from the etsy site, though obviously NOT mine! ;)
It is really beautiful and I love seeing their three names together. It makes it all seem a bit more "real", I guess, even though you would think that my growing belly and active boy would make it "real". When I was leaving the hospital with my two kids and growing belly, an older woman wearing a grandma sweatshirt stopped me and said, "Honey, that was me, forty years ago."
It took me a minute to realize that she meant her with three kidlets. We chatted for a moment and she wished me luck. It was said with that camaraderie that women have . . . with the knowledge that there will be tough moments ahead, but that it will all be worth it.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Getting To Okay
I am fully 38 weeks pregnant. That is full term, for those of you keeping score at home. Yay!
I had another platelet draw today. It has dropped again, but is still above the "danger" zone. This platelet checking thing has been a bit of a rollercoaster and I will be glad to be off of it. I honestly think that whether I will be able to be awake for the c-section or not will be a "day of" decision.
I am enjoying my time off work, though I haven't been doing as much resting as I should. I would say I am likely nesting, as I am finding the energy to work on things like laundry and cleaning my refrigerator. I am tired, but there is a restless edge to this fatigue. Even when I settle into bed, physicially spent, my mind will not shut down and stop thinking of all that still needs to be done.
There really isn't that much to be done, to be honest. The nursery needs a few things hung, but my dad doesn't like to sit around while he is here, so I have made him a list of things that need to be put up. But my mind keeps buzzing about those darn things anyway. Each day, I get a few more things ticked off of my list of "nice to be done", but the "have to be done" things were finished awhile ago (side benefit of a hospital admission at 35 weeks).
One of the "nice to be done" things was going and picking out a gift from the kids to Andrew (we chose the Tranquil Turtle based on some good recommendations from friends - kind of pricy, I will have to let you know if it is worth it) and we picked out gifts from Andrew to the kids. This was something that we did with Will when Emma was born and I felt it was successful. Another "nice to be done" thing I will do tomorrow (unless Andrew makes other plans for me) is to go to the dollar store and get some little presents to wrap for the kids and have for days when they are really extra good big siblings. I guess you could call it bribery, but it worked like a charm when Emma was born, and I am not above a bit of bribery here and there.
I am a mix of so many emotions. One minute, I am happy and excited to get this show on the road. The next, I am overwhelmed and anxious, wondering how we will possibly handle all of this. I range from laughing to crying to everything in between. This is a crazy, crazy time and I think I am just ready to get on with the program. . . while still clinging a bit to the life with "just" two. I recall these exact emotions when Emma joined us, so I know it will all be okay. It is just the getting to okay that I am a little bit worried about.
I had another platelet draw today. It has dropped again, but is still above the "danger" zone. This platelet checking thing has been a bit of a rollercoaster and I will be glad to be off of it. I honestly think that whether I will be able to be awake for the c-section or not will be a "day of" decision.
I am enjoying my time off work, though I haven't been doing as much resting as I should. I would say I am likely nesting, as I am finding the energy to work on things like laundry and cleaning my refrigerator. I am tired, but there is a restless edge to this fatigue. Even when I settle into bed, physicially spent, my mind will not shut down and stop thinking of all that still needs to be done.
There really isn't that much to be done, to be honest. The nursery needs a few things hung, but my dad doesn't like to sit around while he is here, so I have made him a list of things that need to be put up. But my mind keeps buzzing about those darn things anyway. Each day, I get a few more things ticked off of my list of "nice to be done", but the "have to be done" things were finished awhile ago (side benefit of a hospital admission at 35 weeks).
One of the "nice to be done" things was going and picking out a gift from the kids to Andrew (we chose the Tranquil Turtle based on some good recommendations from friends - kind of pricy, I will have to let you know if it is worth it) and we picked out gifts from Andrew to the kids. This was something that we did with Will when Emma was born and I felt it was successful. Another "nice to be done" thing I will do tomorrow (unless Andrew makes other plans for me) is to go to the dollar store and get some little presents to wrap for the kids and have for days when they are really extra good big siblings. I guess you could call it bribery, but it worked like a charm when Emma was born, and I am not above a bit of bribery here and there.
I am a mix of so many emotions. One minute, I am happy and excited to get this show on the road. The next, I am overwhelmed and anxious, wondering how we will possibly handle all of this. I range from laughing to crying to everything in between. This is a crazy, crazy time and I think I am just ready to get on with the program. . . while still clinging a bit to the life with "just" two. I recall these exact emotions when Emma joined us, so I know it will all be okay. It is just the getting to okay that I am a little bit worried about.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)