Today marks the beginning of another week. The Seventh Week, to be exact. This is monumental for so many reasons. I have only made it this far once before. That pregnancy made it to 11 weeks, but in the beginning, the heartbeat and growth were a bit slow. This baby's little heartbeat is anything but little, making it more likely to survive the first trimester and beyond. In honor of this wonderful occasion, I present to you a list.
Seven Reasons Why This Pregnancy Is Different and Should Result In A RLB*
1) IVF - We've never done that before. We know the egg was good, the sperm was good, the embryo was good. That's good.
2) Lovenox - Let's say that it was a rare blood clotting disorder that has ended my other pregnancies. Well, the daily shot of Lovenox that keeps my stomach a rainbow of colors should keep those clots at bay.
3) That beautiful heartbeat - At 6 weeks, 2 days, the baby's heartbeat was a rousing 119 BPM. That's above where it even needed to be for it's gestational age.
4) Measuring perfectly - At 6 weeks, 2 days, the baby measured 6 weeks, 2 days.
5) Pregnancy vitamins - I took these last time, but due to my overwheming "All Day Sickness," I couldn't keep them down consistently. This time, I have a different brand, that seem to stay down better.
6) Zofran - Or as I like to call it, my Miracle Pill. In my last pregnancy, I refused to take the medications prescribed to me because I didn't want to hurt the baby. After poor Gummy Bear died, I decided that I wouldn't be that way again. It made no difference. So, I take my pills. My appetite is still pretty nonexistant and I have moments of nausea, but it is way more controllable and I can keep food and beverage down.
7) Pure and utter faith - This one is dicey. I had really positive thoughts about my pregnancy with Gummy Bear. However, I have decided to put this on my list, because without it, I would have no hope, and that is what is keeping me going.
*Real Live Baby
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
The Rest of the Story
I am glad that I could bring a smile to your face yesterday with the story of The Unfortunate Apples.
For those that asked:
1) Luckily, there was only one other customer nearby. She did witness the. . . event. . . and asked me if I was okay. Telling her that I was pregnant was enough to mollify her.
2) I didn't know what to do about the apples. I finally found a produce person (who was coming out to stock the bananas, just a few minutes too late). I told him as delicately as possible what had transpired and he was great. He nicely offered to throw the entire bag and its contents away for me. They didn't make me pay for the apples even though I did offer.
After that, I made a pretty hasty retreat to the register, forgetting about 90% of what I had come in for. I figured my dear husband could finish our grocery shopping for me.
The thing about morning sickness is. . . you can have a good day and then a terrible day. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. Yesterday was actually a good day. And of course, since I am never happy, when I have a good day, I worry that something has happened to the baby.
It's hard to believe that the next ultrasound is in just three more sleeps.
For those that asked:
1) Luckily, there was only one other customer nearby. She did witness the. . . event. . . and asked me if I was okay. Telling her that I was pregnant was enough to mollify her.
2) I didn't know what to do about the apples. I finally found a produce person (who was coming out to stock the bananas, just a few minutes too late). I told him as delicately as possible what had transpired and he was great. He nicely offered to throw the entire bag and its contents away for me. They didn't make me pay for the apples even though I did offer.
After that, I made a pretty hasty retreat to the register, forgetting about 90% of what I had come in for. I figured my dear husband could finish our grocery shopping for me.
The thing about morning sickness is. . . you can have a good day and then a terrible day. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. Yesterday was actually a good day. And of course, since I am never happy, when I have a good day, I worry that something has happened to the baby.
It's hard to believe that the next ultrasound is in just three more sleeps.
Friday, January 11, 2008
How 'Bout Them Apples?
Picture this.
True story.
A girl is standing in the middle of the produce section of her local grocery store.
As she has shopped at this particular store many, many times, she knows exactly where the bathroom is - on the other side of the store.
The girl has been battling off waves of nausea for the past few hours, but they have been manageable waves.
All of a sudden, in the middle of apples and oranges, a wave of nausea starts heading toward the girl. This one is not going to be staved off. Desperately, she looks around the store. She is hoping for a nice, sturdy brown bag, the type they put by the mushrooms. Or perhaps one of the grocers has recently been stocking the bananas, a firm banana box would do nicely. Her frantic search reveals none of these things.
And she is running out of time.
Her purse is a viable option, but it's new. And small. And filled with her wallet, car keys, and cell phone.
She is out of time.
She grabs the nearest bag that she can find. . . a clear plastic one that she has just filled with apples.
And uses it.
Pregnancy. It's not for wimps. Or people that like apples.
True story.
A girl is standing in the middle of the produce section of her local grocery store.
As she has shopped at this particular store many, many times, she knows exactly where the bathroom is - on the other side of the store.
The girl has been battling off waves of nausea for the past few hours, but they have been manageable waves.
All of a sudden, in the middle of apples and oranges, a wave of nausea starts heading toward the girl. This one is not going to be staved off. Desperately, she looks around the store. She is hoping for a nice, sturdy brown bag, the type they put by the mushrooms. Or perhaps one of the grocers has recently been stocking the bananas, a firm banana box would do nicely. Her frantic search reveals none of these things.
And she is running out of time.
Her purse is a viable option, but it's new. And small. And filled with her wallet, car keys, and cell phone.
She is out of time.
She grabs the nearest bag that she can find. . . a clear plastic one that she has just filled with apples.
And uses it.
Pregnancy. It's not for wimps. Or people that like apples.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Even Knowing
Even knowing that there is a good heartbeat. . .
Even knowing that I have an incredibly swollen and bloodied ovary. . .
Even knowing that I am nauseous if I stop taking my medication. . .
I am still so nervous about this pregnancy. Every twinge, every moment that I don't feel nauseous, every time my breasts don't hurt. . . I wonder if the baby has died.
I wonder how many of you read this blog and think, "Stop whining, you fool! You have everything that you have always wanted and you are still not happy! What is wrong with you?"
I wonder that, because I think that myself, sometimes. I wonder when I can finally breathe a little easier and have the ache in my chest go away. I wonder when I will start to really believe that a baby could actually be here in August or early September.
But please don't get me wrong. I am so grateful for whatever time I have with this precious little one. It's just that the more I love this baby, the more I realize what I have to lose.
Even knowing that I have an incredibly swollen and bloodied ovary. . .
Even knowing that I am nauseous if I stop taking my medication. . .
I am still so nervous about this pregnancy. Every twinge, every moment that I don't feel nauseous, every time my breasts don't hurt. . . I wonder if the baby has died.
I wonder how many of you read this blog and think, "Stop whining, you fool! You have everything that you have always wanted and you are still not happy! What is wrong with you?"
I wonder that, because I think that myself, sometimes. I wonder when I can finally breathe a little easier and have the ache in my chest go away. I wonder when I will start to really believe that a baby could actually be here in August or early September.
But please don't get me wrong. I am so grateful for whatever time I have with this precious little one. It's just that the more I love this baby, the more I realize what I have to lose.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
What A Day!
Yesterday was a wonderful day, but it was definitely emotionally exhausting.
The night before, I had a horrible nightmare that there was nothing to see on the ultrasound. It was so vivid in its detail that I woke up sobbing and had to take several minutes to convince myself that it was just a bad dream. I had a really hard time getting back to sleep after that.
A lack of sleep can definitely exacerbate morning sickness. And morning sickness is not my friend to begin with. I don't even know what I was thinking, wishing it on myself again. This post describes my morning sickness from a previous pregnancy.
By the time we got to the doctor's office yesterday, I hadn't managed to keep down several attempts at breakfast or lunch. I hoped that perhaps it was just the lack of sleep and nervousness.
When we arrived at Dr. M's office, the receptionist said, "So this is the big day, huh? How are you feeling?"
To which I burst out, "I'm terrified." And started crying.
I can't even explain the tension that I felt in those last minutes before the ultrasound began. I just prayed and prayed that we would see something good on that black screen.
I had told my husband that I didn't think that I could look until they told me that it was okay, but I was wrong. I saw the sac first, and it looked empty, my worst fears coming true. But then I saw the flicker at the top of the sac and said, "That's the heartbeat, right?"
Then, I started firing off questions like any Good Infertile Who Hath googled Too Much. What was the rate of the heartbeat? Was the sac good sized? Was the baby good sized? Was the sac a good shape? How did my lining look? Luckily, the ultrasound tech was good about answering our questions and did so.
I asked her about my ovaries, telling her about the pains that I have been having, especially on my left side. She showed us two (in her words) HUGE cysts. There was also a lot of retained blood. She did check for blood flow, because the ovary was so large that she was worried that it might have twisted, but luckily, there was plenty of flow. I also had a smaller cyst on the right side, but that isn't really where the pains have been coming from. They said that it was completely normal after IVF, but that there isn't anything that can be done about it, as the HCG in my system causes the cysts to stick around. At ten to twelve weeks, when my hormone levels start to level off, then the cysts will get the idea that they are no longer wanted or needed and start disappearing.
In the meantime, I am not supposed to let my bladder get too full, as it can press up against the ovaries and cause pain. I had noticed that if I waited a bit too long, the pain increased, so that makes sense. The good news is that there is a perfectly normal reason for my discomfort and it's not a reason to run to the bathroom and check for spotting. That's a relief!
After the ultrasound, Dr. M came in and declared that everything was "perfect." They will continue to monitor me with weekly ultrasounds through the 12th week of pregnancy. We discussed the morning sickness and she gave me a prescription for phenergan to help with the nausea and recommended that I reduce my activity level as much as possible. With so many prior miscarriages, it's not like she really had to give me that warning, but at least it's doctor's orders now.
We had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions on the way home, so in order to give them time to fill them, we decided to make a quick stop at Baby's R Us for an ultrasound frame. We got the cutest one that says "So Tiny, So Loved" on it. It now holds a proud place on our kitchen counter, where I have already looked at it at least a million times or so. My husband picked out a tiny turtle toy "for the baby," which I thought was just so cute.
I ended up taking the medication and being able to keep some chicken soup down for dinner. It makes me pretty sleepy, though, so I took today off from work to hopefully start feeling a bit better with consistent meals and a lot of rest.
When I finally sat down to see the comments today, I was overwhelmed by your kindness. I am a nut job about keeping things, so I am printing the comments out for the baby book. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The night before, I had a horrible nightmare that there was nothing to see on the ultrasound. It was so vivid in its detail that I woke up sobbing and had to take several minutes to convince myself that it was just a bad dream. I had a really hard time getting back to sleep after that.
A lack of sleep can definitely exacerbate morning sickness. And morning sickness is not my friend to begin with. I don't even know what I was thinking, wishing it on myself again. This post describes my morning sickness from a previous pregnancy.
By the time we got to the doctor's office yesterday, I hadn't managed to keep down several attempts at breakfast or lunch. I hoped that perhaps it was just the lack of sleep and nervousness.
When we arrived at Dr. M's office, the receptionist said, "So this is the big day, huh? How are you feeling?"
To which I burst out, "I'm terrified." And started crying.
I can't even explain the tension that I felt in those last minutes before the ultrasound began. I just prayed and prayed that we would see something good on that black screen.
I had told my husband that I didn't think that I could look until they told me that it was okay, but I was wrong. I saw the sac first, and it looked empty, my worst fears coming true. But then I saw the flicker at the top of the sac and said, "That's the heartbeat, right?"
Then, I started firing off questions like any Good Infertile Who Hath googled Too Much. What was the rate of the heartbeat? Was the sac good sized? Was the baby good sized? Was the sac a good shape? How did my lining look? Luckily, the ultrasound tech was good about answering our questions and did so.
I asked her about my ovaries, telling her about the pains that I have been having, especially on my left side. She showed us two (in her words) HUGE cysts. There was also a lot of retained blood. She did check for blood flow, because the ovary was so large that she was worried that it might have twisted, but luckily, there was plenty of flow. I also had a smaller cyst on the right side, but that isn't really where the pains have been coming from. They said that it was completely normal after IVF, but that there isn't anything that can be done about it, as the HCG in my system causes the cysts to stick around. At ten to twelve weeks, when my hormone levels start to level off, then the cysts will get the idea that they are no longer wanted or needed and start disappearing.
In the meantime, I am not supposed to let my bladder get too full, as it can press up against the ovaries and cause pain. I had noticed that if I waited a bit too long, the pain increased, so that makes sense. The good news is that there is a perfectly normal reason for my discomfort and it's not a reason to run to the bathroom and check for spotting. That's a relief!
After the ultrasound, Dr. M came in and declared that everything was "perfect." They will continue to monitor me with weekly ultrasounds through the 12th week of pregnancy. We discussed the morning sickness and she gave me a prescription for phenergan to help with the nausea and recommended that I reduce my activity level as much as possible. With so many prior miscarriages, it's not like she really had to give me that warning, but at least it's doctor's orders now.
We had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions on the way home, so in order to give them time to fill them, we decided to make a quick stop at Baby's R Us for an ultrasound frame. We got the cutest one that says "So Tiny, So Loved" on it. It now holds a proud place on our kitchen counter, where I have already looked at it at least a million times or so. My husband picked out a tiny turtle toy "for the baby," which I thought was just so cute.
I ended up taking the medication and being able to keep some chicken soup down for dinner. It makes me pretty sleepy, though, so I took today off from work to hopefully start feeling a bit better with consistent meals and a lot of rest.
When I finally sat down to see the comments today, I was overwhelmed by your kindness. I am a nut job about keeping things, so I am printing the comments out for the baby book. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
So Tiny. . . So Loved
Sorry for the delay in posting. It's a long story, which I won't bore you with, since you are here for the ultrasound results!
First, the wonderful news:
One beautiful sack and fetal pole, CRL measuring exactly on track for dates, at 6 weeks, 2 days.
One beautiful heartbeat, flashing away so strongly that I saw it the minute that she focused the probe on it. 119 bpm, the little overachiever! It was a beautiful sight!
The okay news:
My left ovary has two large cysts and a lot of retained blood. This is okay because it explains the pains that I have been having and it is completely normal. It is just okay because it kind of hurts and there is nothing that can be done, it should resolve by 10 weeks or so.
The bad news:
Well. There is no bad news. This will sound funny, coming from someone who didn't want multiples in the beginning of this, but I guess you could say that I am. . . disappointed? No, not disappointed. That's not the right word. We are both thrilled with one healthy looking baby. The ultrasound technician said that everything is "perfect" with the pregnancy to date.
Dr. M came in, all congratulations and smiles, and yet. . . I still feel a bit of a pang for the second one that didn't make it, a bit of a failure as a good home to embryos. It makes me wonder what went wrong and fear for the remaining one. The receptionist even seemed surprised when we came back out. She said, "Really, just one? With those beta numbers?" Then, I think she felt kind of bad and backtracked, "Well, one is all you need, right?"
Yes, one is all we need. And just thinking about that beautiful, perfect heartbeat makes me melt. I just pray it keeps beating and beating and beating.
PS I couldn't close without one more heartfelt thank you for your love and support. I know that each of you has a lot going on in your own lives and it means the world to me that you take time out of your day to check up on us. I don't know what I would do without you.
First, the wonderful news:
One beautiful sack and fetal pole, CRL measuring exactly on track for dates, at 6 weeks, 2 days.
One beautiful heartbeat, flashing away so strongly that I saw it the minute that she focused the probe on it. 119 bpm, the little overachiever! It was a beautiful sight!
The okay news:
My left ovary has two large cysts and a lot of retained blood. This is okay because it explains the pains that I have been having and it is completely normal. It is just okay because it kind of hurts and there is nothing that can be done, it should resolve by 10 weeks or so.
The bad news:
Well. There is no bad news. This will sound funny, coming from someone who didn't want multiples in the beginning of this, but I guess you could say that I am. . . disappointed? No, not disappointed. That's not the right word. We are both thrilled with one healthy looking baby. The ultrasound technician said that everything is "perfect" with the pregnancy to date.
Dr. M came in, all congratulations and smiles, and yet. . . I still feel a bit of a pang for the second one that didn't make it, a bit of a failure as a good home to embryos. It makes me wonder what went wrong and fear for the remaining one. The receptionist even seemed surprised when we came back out. She said, "Really, just one? With those beta numbers?" Then, I think she felt kind of bad and backtracked, "Well, one is all you need, right?"
Yes, one is all we need. And just thinking about that beautiful, perfect heartbeat makes me melt. I just pray it keeps beating and beating and beating.
PS I couldn't close without one more heartfelt thank you for your love and support. I know that each of you has a lot going on in your own lives and it means the world to me that you take time out of your day to check up on us. I don't know what I would do without you.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Ultrasound Time Change
The ultrasound will now be at 1:30 tomorrow, due to the tech's schedule.
It's only a half hour difference. But it's a half hour.
One less thirty minute chunk of time to wait.
GSW 2008:
Breakfast barely stayed down
Lunch didn't cause me as much nausea, but almost
This is good. . . only crazy infertiles would ever call "morning" sickness good.
It's only a half hour difference. But it's a half hour.
One less thirty minute chunk of time to wait.
GSW 2008:
Breakfast barely stayed down
Lunch didn't cause me as much nausea, but almost
This is good. . . only crazy infertiles would ever call "morning" sickness good.
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